Scenario: your friend is unhappy in his job. You are assertive in your suggestions to him, you tell him: “You need to talk to your boss” or “I want you to interview for this new job.”
Psychologist Carl Rogers warns that this kind of expert advice-giving, though intended to help, actually has the opposite effect. When confronted with an aggressive push, most people shut down and become even less likely to change.
Rogers practices a different approach. Rather than suggesting ways for his client to change, he would acknowledge their experiece: “So, you’re unhappy with your job. That must be difficult.”
Rogers assumes a peer relationship and listens intently.
As Rogers focused on listening and acknowledging his client’s experience, something amazing would happen. The client would find his own solutions to the problem. “You know, I don’t like being trapped. I think I’ll look for a new job.”
When we give advice to someone, we automatically create a power hierarchy. The advice-giver is superior to the reciepient. In a decentralized organization this kind of hierarchy is detrimental.
— Extracted from The Starfish and the Spider by Ori Brafman and Rod A. Beckstrom